well, when i began this blog, i had all intentions on making this blog a place for me to relax, relate and release...I need to be able to talk, write and express freely what may be on my mind, and All I can say is this has been a week....
I was so excited, I was back in Knoxville, in summer school, horse tending and house sitting, and one of my best friends was visiting just to visit and spend time with me. I get lonely up here in TN, not that I have not made great new friends, but I do miss my family, and friends and I just was excited to have a guest. My friend David had come the week before and Jamie was here this past week, so I was happy to just see people from back home.
Regardless, in all my excitement, I got a terrible blow of news, one of my favorite cousins lost her husband. Now I love all my family, but my cousin took particular time with me growing up, and I can actually say alot of what and who I am is due to her always telling me I could be a SMART, GOOD girl, and go to college, and pledge a sorority, etc. She loved me so much so that I was even in her Wedding (the first of many weddings I have been in) and I was so excited at age 17 to be in a wedding, get to wear makeup (mom was not a mom to allow makeup) so I remember dressing up in my Fuschia dress, and gloves and celebrating in their joy. Since then, they have both provided a great example of love, and family for me to one day aspire to! So it was with a heavy heart when i heard the news. My heart literally broke to think about living life without someone you thought you would live out your life with. This same week I was on my way to celebrate the wedding of a great friend from college to his girlfriend of many years...and sadly, I had to miss their joyous day to say my final farewell to a loving cousin.
Over the past few years I have had the misfortune of losing many people close to me. I lost my grandmother, my uncle, one of my dear sweet college friends and sorority sisters as well as my first love in a motorcycle accident. Several years ago I lost a dear sweet childhood friend, and each time I go home I am reminded of how sweet he was to me when I first moved to the neighborhood. I attended a different school, so my only connection to many of the kids were through my neighborhood friends, and he always had a bright smile, and kind word for me. My first love, my god, not a day goes by that I don't think of him, and just truly miss his friendship. My sorority sister, I miss the fun we had, the laughs we shared. My grandmother and uncle, I miss the fact that they will not be around for many more years to see me become the woman they helped raise and guide over the years. It's selfish to think they will not be at my wedding, or see the birth of my children and as much I know in my heart they are still with me, and looking down on me, I wish they were here.
It just makes me so very aware that tomorrow is not promised and you can't wait to tell the people you love that you love them, and spend time with your friends when you have the moments. We find ourselves caught up in so many things, arguing about petty issues, not forgiving each other over minor fights, and we lose the time we have, which we can never get back.
It's funny I told my friend while she was visiting, I could never divorce her....no matter how much we disagree, how much we may fight, and how much we grow, she is my family and I love her, thus I can't get rid of her. (and believe me, we do fight, but it's never a moment that has gone by that I don't love her, even in the fights). Friendships are like marriages, and over the years, all the people that come into your life impact you in amazing ways. You are never promised a life with any of them forever, but while you have them, love them.
Awww, that was sweet. Friendship is defintely priceless.
ReplyDeleteGeorge