it's been a minute

It's been a minute since I came over here to pour out my feelings! We are 7 days into 2011..Thank God I am still here. I am having the best of times, the worst of times. I finished school, have 2 master's now, and still no money in the bank...twisted right...educated but cant get a job. Well I shouldnt say that, I have a job, just hasnt started yet and thus I am broke. I am still in love with an ex, and feel some kind of way about that, not sure why I can't let that fully go, maybe because I know he aint fully gone...guess i am still waiting on a face to face to make it all sink in if its supposed to sink in. So i said to myself that 2011 will be a better year, a year where i will begin to get myself fiscally fit, as well as physically fit. There have been a few years here where i placed myself last on my own priority list.

With that being said, I am in the middle of an interesting debate on the phone with a guy who I assume is trying to be my new guy, but he just made the a very bad call, and has clearly messed up any chance of being my man...please believe me when i say this, I am not a GOLD DIGGER, if i were I wouldn't be prospecting near him...but he is one of these men who is in the mindset that everything is 50/50 and a chick like me wont make it to marriage with a man who aint generous, a man who won't sacrifice for me...I am not saying pay my bills, house note etc, but you can help a sister out. I want the comfort of knowing my man will take care of me cause I am working just as hard to fulfill his needs as well. My ex spoiled me, and I may be doomed to perpetual singlehood, cause if they not coming with at least that, (and this is not comparison, but once you know how you supposed to be treated and you run up on a real man that handles his business) you will not settle for less than you deserve. So yes, you will pay for our dates, yes you will buy me gifts, yes you will treat melike a queen, you will send flowers, you will open doors, you will act like a man and king you are supposed to be, especially if you want the woman and queen I am to be by your side. Is it really too much to ask that you be a provider without feeling like someone is trying to break your pockets. I dont care if you use discounts, coupons and ball on a budget, as long as I can look at you and know you taking care of me. And we not speaking of the endless things That I as a woman do for you...outside of the obvious sex, I provide friendship, companionship, a sounding board, keep the house and home good, and always have your back, right or wrong. I am the type of woman you are proud to call yours, I am educated, good personality, sexy, and I have credentials....plus no kids or drama. I have your back and can be your comfort from a long hard day. I am that chick you dont have to make excuses for and proud to take around your family and your momma.

so feeding me is a hassle. paying a bill for me is a hassle. you think by helping me I am using you. Man please, get a life, cause if you stay on that selfish Negro shit, you aint gonna never have a wife....

okay...done venting for now.... Like i said it's been a minute and I see I need to come write more often...this life I am living I am determined to be happy, whether its with someone or all by myself!